The Party Before the Party

Most of the time when we are focusing on a big event like a wedding or Bar/Bat Mitvah, we forget that there are little mini-events that need to be organized as well.

If you have out of town guests coming in for your celebration you need to think through how you’ll entertain them (or not) throughout the weekend.  I don’t think you need to go over the top, champagne and caviar, deluxe limo service 24/7 — your guests will appreciate even a little attention and will enjoy having some down time to just chill in their hotel room.

Feeding Frenzy

It’s true, we all love to eat and often the party weekend is just an excuse to go from one meal to another.  Try to keep the fare light, particularly if there are multiple meal gatherings in one day.  Afterall, finding a seamstress to make last minute alterations might be more difficult than you think.  Consider any dietary restrictions your guests may have — vegetarian, kosher, low sodium, etc.  Include a local favorite/specialty in the weekend’s itinerary.  We planned one meal for out of town family that was Detroit’s favorites complete with Sander’s Hot Fudge Brownie Sundaes.

Around Town

If you have a large group coming from out of the area, consider putting together a “goody” bag of sorts with maps, local publications, things to do, snacks, etc.  This way, if they want to wander around without you in between “happenings”, then they will know what’s going on, where to find it and how to get there.  In some cases, the hotel might have shuttle service to a central shopping area for those who don’t want to drive uncharted territory.

We are Family

Remember, for the most part, people came to town because they love you and want to spend time with you.  The activities, meals, mini-events are all icing on the cake.  We had such a good time at breakfast the morning of my daughter’s Bat Mitzvah that we barely had enough time to get ready for the noon party…so, leave yourself enough down time to enjoy each others company and don’t forget to wear a watch.

Wish I Would Have Done it My Way…

Mitzvah Mistake #4
I was talking to my dear friend, Ruth, the other day as she reminisced about planning her son’s Bar Mitzvah. You know, “she said,” wistfully, “I wish I had done it my way.” When I asked her to clarify the bold statement, she began to talk about her initial vision embodied her son’s passion for art and the subsequent “guidance” she received from the planner they hired.

Since they were on a tight budget, being creative within a theme was key. The planner, however, had other ideas. She told them that it would be cost prohibitive to execute an art theme (reminder: the Bar Mitvah boy’s passion) and what about Pirates of the Caribbean? The planner convinced them that this theme would be current (movie was about to be released into theatres), fun for the kids (who wouldn’t want eye patches) and affordable (how can you argue with that).

So, feeling railroaded, they went with the Planner’s ideas and abandoned their thematic vision. This mistake took the party to a different place and was no longer about the Bar Mitzvah boy and his personality — it was about the planner and her ideas and what she could comfortably execute.

1. Stay true to your vision
2. Check references — look at various parties that the planner was responsible for and find out where the theme ideas came from and if they represented your child
3. Don’t be afraid to say no
4. Trust your instincts — if it doesn’t feel right, it probably isn’t

What would you have done differently when planning your recent Mitzvah?

Mitzvah Mistakes

There is no such thing as the perfect party, so get over that assumption right now. A little harsh? Perhaps. But it is important to set expectations right in the beginning. This isn’t to say that you can’t and won’t get damn close, but you will make mistakes and there will be mishaps (whether by you or others). So it is better to acknowledge this now rather than be tragically disappointed in the end.

So, hope for the best, plan for the worst and anticipate, organize, mobilize.

Since there are so many mistakes you could conceivably make, this will attempt to outline some of the most common “mitzvah mistakes” and help you avoid at least these during your planning process.

Top Ten Mistakes:

1. Not setting a clear budget upfront. If you can’t commit down to the penny what you’re comfortable spending, then at least have a ballpark in mind. There is a very big difference between $5,000 and $15,000. Your budget should not compromise your current financial situation. If you haven’t planned and saved for this event, it is critical that you determine right now what budget “camp” will allow you to sleep at night.
   Budget pitfalls – open bar when wine and beer will do; failure to comparison shop for venues, photographers, décor providers; last minute dress/suit shopping.  Remember, that $350 Tahari suit might be found on sale if you plan ahead.
2. Taking on too much yourself. Decide what you absolutely need to do in order to save money, keep your sanity and fulfill your must have wish list.  Decide, based on your budget, what you can pay someone else to do or, at the very least, enlist a friend to take on the task. A dear friend decided that she had to have 3 foot round balloons on each table and that she could save a lot of money if she did it herself. Great plan. Except, she didn’t really imagine how labor intensive (not to mention time consuming) it would be to get the helium tanks to the venue, inflate 30 balloons and attach each to the centerpiece weight. This all had to be done prior to the beginning of the party and prior to getting her own hair and make up done. Even with help,  it took valuable time away from getting ready and added stress to a day that should have been filled with joy and anticipation. A good alternative (if hiring a professional is out of the question) might have been to consider another type of centerpiece that didn’t require “game” day preparation.
3. Assuming postage rate on chosen invitations. The US Postal Service has it all figured out. If the envelope is one size, your rate is x. If the envelope is a certain thickness, the rate changes…and so on. Just because your envelope is the size that normally requires a first class postage stamp, don’t assume that’s what your invitation postage will be. Weight, size, and thickness are all factors in the rate. Failure to check this before you order your invitations, could result in a big fat surprise when you show up at the post office with your box of 250 cards. We ordered a sample invitation and it came with postage on it (naturally). So, I assumed that was accurate and did not check it. When I went to buy my postage I discovered that the knot in the ribbon created a thickness that put our lovely invitation into the next price category. This was double what we had anticipated our postage costs to be.

Stayed tuned for more Mitzvah Mistakes.